Many of my clients come to see me because something is stopping them from succeeding or doing the things they want to do. In other words they have become stuck.

‘Stuckness’ is usually the result of an emotional response to one or move incidents. They are afraid to try again in case they fail. However, most people are surprised to find that this is often a fear of success rather than failure. A fear of being an imposter, not good enough or standing out.

Often people feel that they are unable to manage their emotions or control how they respond to them. After years of self-practice and working with hundreds of other people I know how important emotions are. They are a sign, either to change something or continue along a particular route. Emotion is neither ‘good nor bad’. It is our response to that emotion shapes us. There is little doubt that when our emotions are high, we can’t think clearly, and make unhelpful decisions.

Let’s take the example of a common emotion, disappointment. We all experience disappointments throughout our lives. Disappointment is a complex emotional response created by a difference between an anticipated outcome and what transpires. In addition, we are influenced by our past experiences, social learning and any cultural norms.  Repeated disappointments have been shown to suppress dopamine levels in our brains which results in a reduction in overall optimism.

How do you feel and how do you respond  when you receive some disappointing news? Some people feel very down, others angry and others everything in between.

A couple of weeks ago I experienced a disappointment when I found I could not do  something I really wanted to do. I had put a lot of thought and planning into enabling it to happen and it didn’t! As soon as I was informed, I felt a deep sense of sadness and deflation, I could feel it flowing through me. I allowed this feeling to sit for a while,  took a deep breath and grounded myself. I then asked myself   ‘What is the purpose of this happening?’  

Sounds easy, doesn’t it? But it has taken a lot of practice to feel able to do this when an emotion is triggered. The key is to give ourselves time to acknowledge the feeling and then decide what we are going to as a result. Interestingly, having asked the question I felt a genuine sense of relief. Normally our response is to look at what we had done wrong, thinking if I hadn’t said that or done this the outcome would have been different. I would have got the job, passed my exams, and so on…..

But what if this event was simply part of our journey? Something that perhaps wasn’t in our best interest in the longer term. If we had this ‘thing’ – job, new house, etc our lives would have taken a different route.

I held the question and let it percolate for a while. Later that day I received a call about a surprise opportunity. As I explored this, it became clear that if I had done the other thing I has thought I had really wanted to do I would have missed out on this one. And this one is such an exciting and meaningful opportunity. It is the old adage ‘When one door closes another opens.’

In the greater scheme of things, the disappointment was a blip in my life and one that allowed me to do something that really sings to my values. One thing is for certain; the sun will rise again in the morning.