There are moments in life that cause us to pause and rethink; they can be momentous life events or small, yet profound reminders to reconnect with who we are and what is important to us. Earlier in the week I had one of those moments.
It had been a long and tiring day as I sat down on the sofa and flicked through channels to see if there was something interesting, yet easy to watch before heading up to bed. I came across a documentary about Miriam Margoyles travelling through New Zealand. My partner and I had both spent happy times there, so we started to watch……
The programme started with Miriam chatting to a Mauri man at some road works; this sparked a cultural exploration, starting with a rugby match and moving into the deeper aspects of Mauri culture. She visited Wiatangi where the settlers/ Mauri peace treaty was signed and met with indigenous people in their wider communities. I began to be transported back to the time when I spent a period of 13 years travelling and living with indigenous people around the world. My experiences are documented in my book. ‘The Other Side of the Valley; Healing Through Altered States of Consciousness.’ I remembered how connected I had been to the natural world and the real joy that brought me. A deep sadness settled in as I realised how I missed that feeling, the feeling of connection and rhythm. While remnants of that time and those feelings had remained with me, they were intellectual rather than kinaesthetic.
Since returning to the UK, I had thrown myself into working in the charitable sector which felt like it had a true purpose. The reality was that while this is true, the needs of running an organisation, places many demands on us and sadly it becomes all too easy to lose that precious deep connection. The last twelve months had been particularly challenging with the loss of my dad and the ending of another era in my life.
While I hadn’t stopped my practice of connection, somehow, I had lost the heart connection that used I used to have. I had been going through the motions, creating a different sense of being while the things that give me real joy had been pushed back into the archive of my consciousness. Each day I spend short periods connecting with nature, in my garden or walking the dogs in places that enable me to feel the presence of nature. However, while these times were precious and enabled me to stay focused and aware, somehow the deep connection had gone. Thank goodness it is back! My perspective has shifted, and I feel so much more alive! I am fascinated that despite all my experience the last 12 months had taken their toll and I had lost a very precious part of myself. It shows how fallible and frail we can be or at least I can be.
