What masks do you wear and when do you wear them? Are you conscious you are wearing a mask or has it become so habitual that you don’t notice you are wearing it?
Over time many of us become proficient at masking how we feel, putting a plaster over a wound and not giving it the air it needs to fully heal. Many people become so proficient at this that they actually forget who they are and how they feel. I see this being played out in the people I work with, friends and family. The most obvious example is demonstrated by people who are constantly joking, flirting or constantly talking. These masks – the joker, the flirt, the chatterbox – all hide the real truth.
When I talk to clients about this, I am often told ‘But if people know who I really am I will be vulnerable’. Vulnerability is often misunderstood as a weakness when the truth is the converse. Vulnerability is a pathway to connecting more deeply, enabling us to grow. It can also lead to a greater acceptance of ourselves, helping us to become more resilient. It facilitates authenticity, unlocking our true potential and strengths. The saying, ‘In our vulnerability lies our strength’ is profoundly true.
For me this year has been a year of slowing down. Ultimately forced by circumstances, without which I doubt I would have taken the time to reflect on how I want to be and live for the next few years. During this time, I began to examine the masks I choose to wear from time to time. ‘Putting on a brave face’ while inside feeling vulnerable. As a child I put on masks to ‘protect’ myself. I had quickly realised that saying how I really felt about things got me into trouble, so I used to pretend all was ok . I became very adept at wearing my ‘I’m ok mask’, so much so that it took years of working on myself to feel ok with being who I was and feeling how I felt.
This summer while I had been spending time reflecting and undertaking my necessary healing on both emotional and physical levels, most people were not aware of the pain I was processing, I was once again wearing my ‘I’m ok mask’. It was tough sorting out the emotional fall out of being severely bitten by my own dog which resulted in him being euthanised. However, as the weeks passed, I knew I was healing and letting go of the hurt on all levels while allowing myself to still love him and his cheeky personality. It was a case of loving and letting go. This week I met a friend who I hadn’t seen for several months, and it was through telling her the story from the beginning that I realised I had healed, the mask was no longer necessary. Sometimes we just need to speak our truth.
What masks do you wear? Where do you wear them? Some people wear them all the time and others like me, in particular circumstances. Having a safe place to share the things that trouble us is an important part of connecting more deeply and enabling ourselves to grow and develop. The key is finding someone who listens openly and without judgement, they don’t try to fix ‘it’ for you, are fully present and attentive. Saying something out loud in a safe space enables us to make sense of a situation for ourselves. The listener is often a coach, trusted friend or family member, someone who will not judge. Rather than trying to ‘fix’ the situation, they pay attention and listen, maybe asking the odd question to help us understand something or make sense of it. The important thing is for the listener to release all judgements and just be with you in a safe space.
By sharing our stories at the appropriate time and in a safe place enables us to either start or finish processing a difficult experience.